Que Sarah, Sarah

Monday, March 24, 2008

Flashback to Super Bowl XLI - Part 2...more of the good stuff...

Saturday, January 26, 2008


(Due to its length, this story will be split up into several pieces. Keep checking back for more of the BEST contest responses!)


Less than 5 minutes after the Bears defeated the Saints in last year's NFC Championship, I had already booked my flight to Miami for the Super Bowl. I had nowhere to stay and no ticket, but my friends and I had all vowed to find a way to get to the big game. Unfortunately, in the ensuing week, all my friends bailed. Some cited monetary reasons, others claimed they couldn't miss work, and a few more wanted to stay in (or go back home to) Chicago for the game instead. Tickets were going for at least $4,000 apiece and every hotel I checked was booked up. So there I was, a week and a half from showtime and, if I didn't act fast, I'd be alone in Miami, watching the game at a bar with strangers.

So, I got creative. At 11pm two Thursdays before the game, I placed an ad on Ebay "selling" myself as a date to the Super Bowl. I posted a picture of myself in a Bears cheerleading costume I'd made for Halloween the year before and warned any potential bidders that I was NOT an escort and I DIDN'T want money, I was simply trying to find a way to get to the game. Having worked in PR for several years, I figured I might get the attention of a radio station holding a contest or maybe charm someone into offering up a seat in their company box.

The next morning, I woke up to over 800 emails. To make a long story short: it worked. The story got picked up by newspapers, blogs, radio stations and TV shows. Less than 48 hours after my initial Ebay posting, I got a call from the PR people for Axe male grooming products. They wanted to give me 4 tickets to the game—three for me and two girlfriends and one for a lucky contest winner. I had less than a week to hold an online contest and pick one guy from across the nation to come to the game and party with us in Miami.

Needless to say, the reactions to my scheme and the responses to my contest were extreme. Some praised my ingenuity and PR-savvy, others labeled me an attention-seeking whore. In honor of the fast-approaching 2008 Super Bowl, I thought I'd share pieces of some* of the BEST emails I received from potential Super Bowl suitors…

*To protect those who may not want to be seen, I included only written submissions, but some people sent in great videos and pictures!!

Sarah's Got a Golden Ticket

To the tune of "(I've Got A) Golden Ticket," from Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory

Every Sunday morning I'd wake to see,
Blue and orange fight for victory
And though they've always had great D,
They used to struggle offensiveleeeee…

Then Lovie came and brought a mission
They took down the Pack, and then the Division,
But they're still chasing the loftiest goal,
To win it all at the SuperBoooooowl…

'Cause she's got a golden ticket
Yes, she's got a golden ticket
And I've got a golden twinkle in my eye…

Last year the playoffs broke my heart,
My Bears struggled right from start
I watched the game, eyes full of tears,
Full of Portillos and several beers,

But in 2007 a wondrous thing,
The Bears are playing for a ring
This Sunday's the day of reckoning,
So 'til they hear me at Halas Hall I'll siiiiiiing…

She's got a golden ticket,
Yes, she's got a golden ticket,
And I know someone who would love to see
The Chicago Bears play (me!)

But now the Boys in Blue go forth
Two years topping the division North
Now the champs of the NFC
To fight the colts in Miami

Sarah: Miami?
Lucas: Yes, Sarah, Miami! Wheeee!!!

Chi-town misses Tommie and Mike B.,
But still the league fears Rivera's D,
And if Peyton can avoid Tank or Brown,
Manning or Tillman will to Bring it down.

And now even casual fans must watch the whole game,
For the offense is now far from lame.
A Gator lifted the Bears' passing hex,
A young gunslinger named Sexy Rex.

Turner sends the receivers far and wide,
Clark down the middle, Bernard down the side,
And if Moose can't juke his man with a cut,
Tom or Ced will run up the gut.

Sarah: And I earned a golden ticket
Lucas: And I want to help you share it
She's got a golden ticket, to see the game…

And so "next year" is finally here,
So many reasons to raise a cheer,
Each day the Bears rally around the sound
Of ten thousand loyal fans singing Bear Down

I'm so happy to see my Boys in Blue,
Though very thrilling, I always knew,
That watching them win it through a glass screen,
Would pale Beside witnessing the real live thing,

'Cause she's got a golden ticket
And I don't have a SuperBowl ticket,
'Cause she's got the golden ticket,
Vasher drops Back to pick it,
Three points each time Robbie kicks it,
Study Hester's move or you'll miss it,
If we're down Brian will fix it,
The media knows just where to stick it,
I'd love the golden ticket,
Please give me the golden ticket,
I swear you will never regret it,
If it helps I know karate-icket, (just kidding!)
My favorite fence is a picket,
'Cause you've got a golden ticket
You've got a golden chance to make your way
And with a golden ticket, it's a golden daaaayyyyyyyy!!!!

I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to sell myself here. Should I write about my interests, hobbies, and alcohol tolerance as a 25 yr old from Lincoln Park? Should I write about my devotion to the beloved Bears? Do I need to write it all in perfect MLA formatting with citations? I think it is in both our interests for me to keep this pithy... and in bullet points.

+I'm 6'5" and white... which means it is illegal for me to even attempt to dance in 32 states.

+I went to the University of Illinois, where I became a Bears season ticket holder (2002-03 season).

+I have stayed to the end of every Bears home game from that first day (including the 6-3 OT "thriller" in Champaign--otherwise known as the day Marty Morningwheig took the wind--and the 41-10 loss to Indy in '04.) I think that shows my dedication to this team.

+I am stunningly average looking.

+I have used Axe body spray on two non-consecutive occasions with mixed results.

+I am NOT a registered sex offender. --How many entrants to this contest can say that?

+I spent a considerable amount of my life trying to get a Hunter Hillenmeyer jersey. I think it is borderline criminal that NFL.com will not make one because his nameplate has 11 letters.

+I design squash racquets for Wilson Sporting Goods Co. for a living, which puts me in the line for the company tickets right after the short-order cook in the cafeteria and right before the night cleaning staff. (All the VP's got the tickets anyway.)

+I lost the Bears season ticket holder lottery for Superbowl tickets.

+I believe the third time is a charm.

+I love watching the Bears dominate.

+I love watching Peyton Manning lose.

+I would love to see the commercial Peyton has turned down! Is there one? And who did they offer it to then, William Hung or the nerd at Denny's that Ricky Manning Jr beat up?

+I am very confident you and your friends would make better company than the mustached, 300 lb gentlemen I normally sit next to at Bears games.

+I have been to England, Kenya, and China, but I've always wanted to go to a place that the rap community holds in high regard.

+It is 11 degrees today in Chicago.

+I look forward to celebrating another Bears Superbowl Championship with Jager shots and Jack and Coke.

+If you vote for me I can make all you wildest dreams come true.

+Alright that last one was a lie, that is only if you vote for Pedro for student class president.


Hey Sweetness (I hope this isn't blasphemy as this name is only reserved for the greatest)

My name is Aaron and I guess this is my story:
Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving hair specialist owner from Muleshoe with low grade point average and a penchant for the things that gallop. My mother was a fifteen year old beast of a woman named Chloe with fake hair. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the elastic for underwear. Sometimes he would accuse Jim Harbaugh of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical. Summers in Friona, baseball lessons. In the spring we'd make mud Bears helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a Colts bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first Sweetness jersey. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved the letter C at the back of my head. There really is nothing like seeing your childhood team take the sentimental favorite behind the woodshed... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you invite me to see it in person.


Super Bowl Ladies:

First off, congratulations. I was forwarded the eBay auction last week and knew you were going to the game. Impressive use of the internet all-around. Second, the pictures of the three of you are terrific. (Now there's a formidable T-Formation). Papa Bear would be proud. Third, please allow me to introduce myself. I'm Patrick, and you absolutely should take me as your date to the game. For your consideration, I've broken down my qualifications "fight-style." Here's the tale of the tape:

STRENGTH: Native of Elmhurst, Illinois; Wicker Park resident; Attended college and grad school in Illinois.
WEAKNESS: Has certain unspoken-to family members who are Packer fans. The horror!!

STRENGTH: Bears Season Ticket waiting line 1251 (I'll be in next year!!)
WEAKNESS: Cubs Season Ticket waiting line 31,200 (Wow!!)

STRENGTH: Regularly dressed as the punky QB in third grade for no reason whatsoever
WEAKNESS: Should have dressed as Kevin Butler

STRENGTH: Showed lots of confidence when he bought the Super Bowl trip to Florida the day after the Cardinal win in October
WEAKNESS: Had many moments of doubt in mid-December

STRENGTH: Twenty-nine years old; single as can be; LOVES blind dates.
WEAKNESS: None, really.

STRENGTH: Thinks it is adorable when girls offer to pay on a date
WEAKNESS: Takes this issue too seriously. There is no way you girls would pay for drinks inside Dolphin stadium

STRENGTH: Has a picture of Matt Suhey (26) in his condo
WEAKNESS: You don't want to know what he's wearing in the picture

STRENGTH: Stands six-one, weighs 185, throws the skinny post on a rope, and has above-average floor vision
WEAKNESS: Surprisingly poor free throw percentage

STRENGTH: Has a sister who works for Oprah. (Free tickets).
WEAKNESS: Again, none.

STRENGTH: Would not insult you by offering money to win this date
WEAKNESS: Knows full well you're receiving huge offers of cash

STRENGTH: Relies on cunning, guile, and a sense of humor to diffuse situations
WEAKNESS: Gets beat up a lot

STRENGTH: Has a steady, reliable, and interesting job

PS: I have enclosed a picture of me as a Double Dare contestant. If you pick me, I'll tell you the whole story. Oh, and I've had LASIK surgery since then, so no glasses.


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