Que Sarah, Sarah

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Top Ten Most Embarrassing Athlete Arrests


By Sarah Spain
Love of Sports Correspondent

This past Saturday, Chicago Bears running back Cedric Benson was stopped for BWI — boating while intoxicated — on Lake Travis in Texas, then furthered his troubles by allegedly resisting arrest.

In the days following Benson's third (yes, third) arrest, writers took jabs at the struggling running back.

"Police pepper sprayed Benson … [they] apparently didn't know that the quickest way to get Benson to the ground is simply to make contact," wrote Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune.

"Several police officers reportedly were needed to drag the Bears running back to the squad car. It is not clear if the car was more than 3.4 yards from the dock or if Benson used second effort to avoid capture. The multiple tacklers were, however, a record — the previous high being one," joked Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times.

All the ribbing got me thinking about other athletes who went from making stat lines to punchlines. I give you my Top 10 Most Embarrassing Athlete Arrests.

10. Dick Williams

The former MLB left fielder, third baseman and three-time World Series manager was in Fort Myers, Florida for the World Series of Fantasy Baseball Camp in January of 2000. Police were called to the 70-year-old's hotel room after guests complained of a man walking around naked and masturbating outside his room. The (aptly named) septuagenarian pleaded no contest and spent just one night in jail, but for years many believed the arrest, which came just a few weeks before the Hall of Fame voting, yanked Dick from the list of that year's Hall of Fame shoo-ins.

9. Michael Vick

After "Ron Mexico" and before the dogfighting, there was the water bottle incident. On January 19, 2007, Vick reluctantly surrendered a suspicious-smelling water bottle to security at Miami International Airport. The water bottle had a hidden compartment and reportedly smelled of marijuana. While the incident wasn't all that embarrassing on its own, it was both incredibly stupid and the impetus for one of my favorite "Weekend Update" segments of all time on Saturday Night Live.


8. Joe Cullen

Yet another case of a coach under fire for a "uniform violation." On August 24, 2006, the Detroit Lions defensive line coach was arrested for obscene and indecent conduct after he took a little late-night drive in the buff. Wearing not a stitch of clothing, Cullen rolled up to a Wendy's drive-thru window and calmly ordered a burger, fries and a drink. (No word on whether the cashier asked him if he wanted to "supersize it.") Cullen was asked to pull over and wait for his meal, at which point the manager on duty called the police. Less than a week later, the nudie foodie was arrested again. This time he was clothed, but driving under the influence. A year later, Lions QB Jon Kitna caused a stir when he showed up at a teammate's Halloween party dressed as Cullen, with his wife dressed as the red-braided "Wendy."

7. Pedro Guerrero

The four-time NL All-Star and 1981 co-World Series MVP was arrested in 1999 for his alleged involvement in a cocaine-trafficking deal. While agreeing to pay an undercover informant for a $200,000 shipment of blow and being friends with O.J. Simpson are both heinous crimes, Guerrero makes the list for his acquittal, not his arrest. After all, drugs and athletes go together like weed and the offseason ... right, Josh Howard? After four hours of deliberation, a jury found Guerrero innocent after his attorney argued that his low IQ prevented him from understanding the crime he was committing. Guerrero's lawyer, Milton Hirsch, told of how he dropped out of the sixth grade in his native Dominican Republic, had an IQ of 70 and was unable to do everyday tasks like writing a check or making a bed. Lazy husbands everywhere took note.

6. Eddie Griffin

In March of 2006, then-Minnesota Timberwolves center caused a minor car crash outside a Minneapolis store. Griffin claimed he was reaching for his cell phone when he slammed his Escalade into a parked car, but video of the accident scene shows a disoriented Griffin telling witnesses he was masturbating to an adult movie playing on his dashboard-mounted DVD player when he rammed into the parked Suburban. Court documents cited "Anal Action" and "Privates" as the two films he used that evening to work on his ballhandling skills. Sadly, just over a year later, the oft-troubled Griffin was killed when his SUV collided with a freight train.

5. Kenyatta Jones x 2

The former Redskins and Patriots player was on the dance floor at The Blue Martini nightclub in Tampa, Florida, when he decided, right then and there, that he'd perhaps had too many martinis. Jones attempted to urinate on the dance floor until security dragged him away. Heck, when you gotta go, you gotta go. He was eventually charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. Then in 2003, he was arrested for pouring scalding hot water on his roommate while he was sitting on the toilet. He later described the second and third-degree burn-causing incident as "a prank gone awry." One would be wise to stay away from Jones when warm liquids are involved.

4. Anthony Merino

A quarterback for the semi-pro Empire State Titans, Merino was arrested after security guards found him having sex with the corpse of a 92-year-old woman in the New Jersey hospital at which he was a lab technician. In October of 2007, Merino asked a security guard for access to a refrigerated area next to the hospital's morgue. Moments later, the guard returned to find hi, exploring the mysteries of rigor mortis. Reps for the semi-pro football league were quick to point out that all press is not, in fact, good press.

3. Eugene Robinson

The morning before Super Bowl XXXIII, the Falcons free safety was awarded the Bart Starr Award for "high moral character" by Athletes In Action, a global sports ministry. That very same night, Robinson, nicknamed "The Prophet" for his strong religious beliefs, left his wife and children at their hotel and headed to a seedy area North of downtown Miami, where he solicited oral sex from an undercover female police officer posing as a prostitute. While that evening didn't have the happy ending he desired, the next day he finally got smoked ... on an 80-yard touchdown by the Broncos' Rod Smith. The Falcons lost 34-19, partly due to that blown coverage.

2. Fred Smoot & Co.

In October of 2005, members of the Minnesota Vikings chartered two boats on Lake Minnetonka during a bye week. The cruise was halted soon after it began when the lewd and lascivious acts taking place on deck frightened and disgusted the boats' employees and owners. Four Vikings were charged in the incident: Fred Smoot, Daunte Culpepper, Moe Williams and Brian McKinnie. Included in the court papers were detailed accounts of these players receiving lap dances from and performing sexual acts on prostitutes, then later trying to convince the boats' waitresses to join them. Smoot reportedly paid for the boat and hired the prostitutes, but it was his use of "props" that solidified his position as lead man in the Sex Boat Scandal. The dirty details are easy to find on the web, just suffice it to say that "Smooting" is now a generally accepted verb in the vernacular of 20-something football fans.

1. Najeh Davenport

In July of 2002, the Pittsburgh Steeler rookie fullback was arrested for burglary and criminal mischief; charges stemming from an incident that took place in April of that year. Late one night, Davenport, a former standout at the University of Miami (rated the No. 2 fullback in the draft) snuck into a dorm room at nearby Barry University. A woman sleeping in the room awoke around 6:00am to find Davenport leaving an extra load in her laundry hamper. "Dookie" was sentenced to roughly 100 hours of community service for defecating in the woman's closet, but continued to maintain his innocence, arguing "Where's the evidence? Where's the manure?" After the trial, his lawyer said, with a straight face, "Najeh wants to put this behind him."

Now, I know I must have missed some, so go crazy in the comments.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home